Healing through feeling, embracing change
It is so very counter-intuitive but, I have found that feeling my feelings is the best, easiest, quickest and most rewarding path to wholeness and my authentic self. When I lie emotionally by not honoring and feeling my feelings I am not in alignment with myself. This was a hard truth for me to absorb.
It seems that we are all taught to put on a smile and pretend that everything is okay. When we ask each other, “how are you doing?” the typical answer is I am fine and how are you? We pretend that everything is okay, that there is nothing challenging, difficult or evokes feelings that is going on.
The truth is that if we are lucky we are changing, growing and transforming our whole lives and that is hard work. When we go through the change process we are always leaving something behind. Leaving the old thing behind is required to move forward. When we leave something behind we are experiencing loss. The loss you might say is necessary for the new to come into our lives.
And YES, that is true. It is necessary to leave something behind to move forward. The funny thing is that by holding on physically, spiritually or emotionally to the past we are choosing to not move forward. It is a scary thing to let go of what is known and move into a place of unknowing.
The space that is created between the loss of old and embracing the new I call the messy middle. You’ve heard that saying when one door closes another opens. It doesn’t say when I am getting prepared to perhaps close the door that the other one appears and is ready for me to walk through.
Change comes in steps. We need to let go of the old, get into the messy middle - where the feelings are processed & healing happens, then and only then can we fully embrace the new.
Let’s talk about the messy middle. There is where the magic lies. For me, the biggest challenge is the letting go and relaxing into the messy middle. I have been known to do almost anything not to feel my feelings. If this resonates with you, you might read my blog called “The dis-ease of too much or too little or what brand of stuck am I?”
In the beginning I needed to sit with myself and let the feelings wash over me. Sometimes this required watching a sad movie, next I got to a place that I recognized what was going on and finding a time and place for me alone to feel. No cell phone, no computer, no distractions. Sitting with it as long as it took. That first time, for me took about 36 hours. There was a lot of stuck feelings. I felt, I truly experienced my feelings.
At this point, what works for me is to be in a trusted, safe, sacred community where people will listen while I feel and process my feelings. Being validated in this way is very healing. I know that I am not alone, I know that I am not the only one who feels this way. It is the balm I need to heal.