Putting my oxygen mask on first!

In life I was taught at a very early age that I needed to put other people’s needs in front of my own. I learned that it was selfish to take care of my needs (and wants) first.

Here’s a pretty extreme example. When I was at work I literally would put off eating, drinking and going to the bathroom in deference to getting the job done. Egad, that is hard to admit. Hopefully your situation isn’t that bad. I am guessing, unfortunately that it does resonate and that I am not alone.

So, if in life if I have to take care of everything for everyone around me before I take care of myself….. Guess what, my needs never bubble up to the top of the list. I never or rarely get to take care of myself.

I end out feeling tired and depleted. Resentment bubbles up. The combination of which turns into a toxic stew that leaks out on everyone I come in contact with. No one wins. A true recipe for disaster. Especially when I get to the point where I am saying things like. Look at all I did for, fill in the blank.

I don’t know about you but, I am a very slow learner. It took me an awfully long time to get to the point that the pain of the situation could finally become the teacher. It was important to slow down and let the hard feelings land. The old way, would be to push through. Do more for others. Get more depleted and then be telling people about all the things I did for everyone.

The new way, starts with feeling the feelings. Let them wash over me. Slow down and realize I have a choice of how to do things differently. It is actually kinder to myself and others to take care of my needs first. It is not selfish. It is the best course of action I can take for myself and for all of the people I come in contact with.

When I leave room for my feelings magic seems to happen. I feel them, acknowledge them, let them stay as long as they would like and they transform. With a life time of trying to hurry them up, the first few times took a while (36 hours that first time). Now, they ebb and flow like the ocean tide.

From this more balanced place, I have the opportunity of choice. Do I want to follow that childhood belief that says it is selfish to take care of my needs or do I want to try something different and take care of my needs and see what happens.

Beliefs are tricky and run primarily unconsciously on auto-pilot. Strong feelings generally alert me that I have been triggered. My button has been pushed.

I want to and have tried taking care of my needs first and the results (when I take that course) are positive! I find that not only do my needs get taken care of but, I also have energy and desire to help the people around me out. I feel good about investing in the relationship and giving.

It can feel counter-intuitive and I urge you to try putting your oxygen mask on first! Smile