Making new memories
It feels pretty timely to make this post. We are just a few days away from Thanksgiving (in the US), with Hanukah and Christmas not far behind. Whatever your traditions are, this tends to be a pretty stressful time of the year. Lots of family, friends and work related activities with lots of outside pressures as to the right way to have a happy holiday season.
In January of 2020, right before the pandemic hit my brother was diagnosed with stage IV cancer. It was a particularly aggressive form of cancer and we didn’t know how long he would be with us. I could have gone the route of figuring out every possible cure or decided what I thought would be best for him and then convinced him how he should spend his time. I could have let the stressful time, be more stressful. I could have lived it in the future, allowing it to take me out of my feelings and my body. I could have lived the last part of his life entirely in my head.
I realized that the cancer was in his body and that it wasn’t mine to try to fix or cure. Not that I could anyway.
I realized I had no control over the situation. I sank into the feelings of the reality that was in front of us. Life slowed down, I realized the best thing I could do for me, my brother and my family was to be present. To actually experience the time we had left to spend together.
We scheduled weekly Zoom calls and those of the family that could make a given call did. We got to know each other again. We got to make new memories.
Funny how, old memories that are relived again and again (and often times never really felt) can get in the way of this process of being in the present and making new memories. I feel blessed that my brother, my family and I allowed ourselves to slow down - be in the present - and allowed ourselves the gift of making new memories.
My brother lost his battle to cancer in April 2022.
What steps can you take to be present this holiday season? Who do you want to make new memories with?
Wishing you a happy holiday season - making new memories!